7 Pro Tips For Finding Balance IN MOTHERHOOD between Love and Boundaries
Even though every motherhood journey is unique. Yet, It can throw you off balance, It can rip you off joy as well. You can lose yourself in the process. Sometimes it looks like a race, competition and a draining comparison. But with the right formula ,you will be finding balance in motherhood as you always dream.
Whereas, motherhood might be the best thing will ever happen to some of us. It can be the most exhausting experience for most of us. Finding balance in motherhood the right way between love, boundaries and selfcare is a key element of a successful and a happy motherhood experience.
In this blogpost, I’m sharing top tips of finding balance and joy in every step of your motherhood journey to embrace the beauty among the chaos.
How creating and finding balance in motherhood is a game changer for me as a mom of two adorable boys?
My name is Darya, I have 2 gorgeous boys -Zain, and Wael- with a difference of almost 3 years apart. Both of my pregnancies were easy. Also, Both births were wonderful. Somehow we get to hear more bad birth experiences than relaxing ones.
However, I would like women to know that it can be all empowering and uniquely beautiful. You might say you’re just lucky once, but twice you are surely blessed. And that’s me!
Speaking of myself, I’m a conscious and critical thinker. I don’t like unsolicited advice. And I’m not doubting the decisions I make. This helps me throughout my motherhood journey to experience it on my own terms. Finding balance in motherhood for me started with setting boundaries. That has helped me discover the ins and outs of my emotions as a mom.
What could be helpful to you as a mother is knowing that every story is different, and every experience has its own beauty even if it seems chaotic.
As mothers, we all seek perfection even though we are far from perfect. We overwhelm ourselves with what motherhood should look like.
Discover the 7 Pro Tips for finding balance in motherhood step by step
As a mother, comprehending your individual and distinct journey often begins with setting unrealistic expectations that might not align well initially. Setting too high expectations can throw you off balance and affect you negatively. On that point, I say don’t push the bar too high. Finding balance in motherhood starts with doing what is best for you.
1-High standards ? No thank you
Holding yourself to the same standards postpartum as you did before you became a mother is unreasonable and unfair to you and your child. Life after having a baby is different, a “good” different, and that is a natural cycle. Reminiscing over the past and how things used to be starting with yourself, your body or your lifestyle will pull you back and detach you from the present.
But honestly, just fully embracing each moment as it comes is really the best way to deal with all our challenges. Letting go of the “shoulds” – how you’re supposed to feel, act, or handle things as a mom – could be the first step to finding that balance in motherhood.
2- Setting boundaries
First couple of weeks, maybe even months you want to stay with your newborn and have this bond and calmness.
After I had my second son I was mostly spending days with him at home. I canceled all my engagements. I didn’t see anyone, I didn’t want to see because we needed that time just for ourselves. I weaved a small cocoon just for the two of us to enjoy that phase to take it all in.
Therefore, my next tip here is, after becoming a mom you need time to rest, sleep, and process your emotional, physical, and mental change and embrace them all in one new being that is the new YOU.
It might be different in different cultures, but I know especially in Arab culture (as my husband is Arab), relatives, and friends all want to see you and your baby. But I’ve set my boundaries from the start. My mental health and my feelings were my number one priority.
Self-care is your best friend in motherhood. Because if you don’t do that, that is when your emotional state starts to give alarms to your brain to get defensive and reject all the changes and push down in a big dark hole of resentments and grudges.
3- Tame Your Mom Guilt
I don’t feel guilty. I don’t guilt trip myself if some household chores are not done. I don’t feel guilty in front of my eldest son for spending less time with him. When you have another baby you’re giving him a bit more attention and that’s okay. Many parents are worried about jealousy or competition between their kids. It might take place at a certain stage, but the outcome depends on how you communicate love with your kids.
4- Strengthen the compassion & communication muscle
When our son saw his brother first he was so happy. After little one started to crawl and be able to take his brother’s toys he started to show resistance to sharing. And it’s also OKAY!
I completely understand his feelings and I do not force it. On the contrary, I re-enforce ownership first and sharing would come on his own terms whenever he is ready.
We always talk to him, since around 1,5 years old or maybe even younger we discussed all situations and feelings.Â
So even when I feel angry I explain how I feel and why I feel that way. They are kids, but trust me they understand everything.
5- Involve your partner
My husband is an amazing man. He is a real teammate. On my second birth, it was he who delivered our son.
He took care of our family, business, and home responsibilities. Keeping the balance to meet all our needs. I truly believe husbands should do all the things mothers do except breastfeeding, hehe.
6-Use the magic of delegation
When you’re tired, when you have no desire for certain things – delegate it. Don’t want to clean – call the cleaning company. Don’t want to cook ? Ask someone, order delivery, or eat outside. Feel overwhelmed ? Ask for help and tell other how they can be of helpful resources to you. Stop making things complicated. And thank yourself for things you managed to do today rather than what was left undone. Instead be present and live today.Â
Finding balance in motherhood even in the most challenging moments.
I also have bad moments like any other person. But whenever I feel something I speak directly. I’m not waiting for my husband to read my mind. Men appreciate it a lot when you come and communicate. They don’t like guesses, no one does, unless it is a game.
I know how hard it is sometimes to find even a moment for yourself. My both kids are like hurricanes. My first child was a terrible sleeper so I seriously started to sleep only when he turned 2 years old. So, I know it can be hard. But you can find the moments for yourself no matter what. Prioritize your sleep as much as you can.
7- Find your passion and be obsessed about it
As I work as a social media freelancer and I have a huge passion for it. I was determined in finding time to pursue my passion. Sometimes, I would leave my kids to my husband as daddy day care. Some other time, I was going to do content for some of my clients even with both of my kids and it’s cool. Sure thing! It’s a tad tougher when you’re on your own, and things take a little more time. And sometimes it can get chaotic in a funny way.
I make sure to find time for myself and do what I really love because that is what reenergize me and makes me find the balance, no matter the circumstances. So what I want to say here is You should love certain things to a certain degree so you will do them for yourself no matter what. Carve the time and make it happen. Use some time management tools like time blocking and have that for yourself.
Related article: busy-moms-time-management-techniques-a-full-guide-for-balancing-motherhood-and-self-care/
My final thoughts on embracing the beauty of motherhood. Even though there is no one-size-fits all formula for all moms to find balance in their life. I would like to say maybe there is and that is “Love yourself first and be authentic”. Find the right balance between what you do and what you love doing. Organize and implement things for yourself in your current lifestyle. Embrace the changes and work with what you have. Stop comparing yourself to others and to their journeys. It is okay not knowing what is happening tomorrow. Rather, be present in the NOW.
Be in control of your thoughts and your reactions. Know your triggers and apologize if you made mistakes and forgive yourself. Have enough space for yourself to hold space for your children and people around you. Be flexible around your kids needs and timings. Remember, Kids and plans don’t mix. It might sound funny, but it’s a reality. With the above tips and working with what you have for now. Finding time to do the things you love. Asking for help when you need it. Believe me, your motherhood journey will feel and look as good as it looks on Instagram, and sometimes even better. ♡
