Ever thought how to scream without anybody hearing when you get frustrated with your kids. If so, you’re not alone. Nothing beats a loving angry mother who struggles with expressing frustration to her kids. Effective communication with children can be challenging, especially when emotions are running high. The key is finding a way to assert your boundaries and express your frustrations respectfully and constructively.
In this article, we will explore strategies to effectively communicate frustration to your children without causing harm to their self-esteem. Moreover, we will discuss the importance of active listening, setting clear expectations, and using “I” statements instead of blaming or shaming language, or the accusatory “you”.
Additionally, we will recommend a few resources to help you understand your child’s brain so that screaming won’t be an option.
How to scream without anybody hearing will no longer be a mystery but actionable steps for a more nurturing parenting experience. Join us as we delve into the art of expressing frustration without damaging our children’s self-esteem.
1-The importance of effective communication with your kids
As a communication specialist and a mother, I have discovered that marketing is like motherhood. In my professional role in marketing, I have to set plans, goals, metrics, KPIs, and messages and put them in a way that is appealing to my target audience. Similarly, with our chidlren. We need to choose the right message, the right way, and the right time.
In marketing, when I put in hours of work and see low engagement rate, I get angry and frustrated. The same thing happens with our children.
As a mother, when I ask my toddler not to throw her dinner on the floor, once, twice, then yelling becomes unavoidable. That is when neither of us is listening to one another. Moreover, we lose complete interest in hearing what the message has, even if it’s love.
The thing is, I can’t shout at my boss, my client, or my Instagram followers when they don’t engage with me. I usually check my analytics and look for gaps to fix. Most of the time, I change my strategy altogether. Some other times, I dig deeper for mistakes and areas to improve. It’s called communication!
Why do we yell at our kids?
We don’t communicate or check our analytics with our kids. Because it’s easy to yell, scream, and shout, and show them who is BOSS!
They know who the is the boss. Yet they need us not to tell them we are in charge. As parents, we need to show our kids we understand them and we form decisions together.
When we yell, scream, and shout, we create resisting little children. Consequently, it becomes destructive fun for them. Remember that Creating a rebellion is easy than building a responsible being.
The more we order and command, the more we push our kids away. When we go down to their naive, innocent level to understand, contain and relate to their toddler’s brain. They feel felt and understood.
It might take longer and it will. But it’s more effective and constructive in the long run.
2-Understanding the impact of frustration on your child’s self-esteem
Most of the time, our kids get frustrated when they don’t get away with what they want. In fact, they are not interested in the logical explanation of why they can’t have it. On the otherhand, acknowledging their frustration helps reduce the tantrums most of the time.
Indeed, they are right. As adults, we don’t like to hear no. Imagine you go to your husband telling him you saw that jacket and love it so much. Before you finish your story, your husband says you can’t have it. Let me give you a second to process it. Nope! I take that back. I saw your face.
You are not happy about it. Are you?
How do I know? Because I have been there.
We constantly don’t have time to feel our children’s feelings. We are in a rush to finish our to do lists. And I sympathize with you. I’m always in a hurry. But I recognized that my daughter does not live in the future. She is so in the present enjoying a cookie, and amazed by an ant.
Toddlers do not enjoy logic when we try to reason with them. No toddler ever said “OK, I will leave the swing now because you said so”
We understand our kids when we spend more time with them. Imagine having a kid who stays still, listens to you, and does exactly as you say in a prompt style. It is as if living with a robot. Although having our kids behave can sound like a dream come true to many. Yet, we want our kids to be exploring, adventurous, spontaneous, and having their own personalities.
3-Building a foundation of trust and open communication
Surprisingly, active listening is number one factor for a successful ans healthy relationship. Clearly, our children appreciate that in their little way. When the tanturum is less and the nodding is more. That is when you know that you are really communicating successfully with your kid. We need to understand their needs, their cues, and behaviors, and we need to listen to them.
When we explain our feelings to our kids by saying ” I feel sad that my makeup got broken” is more effective than attacking the child by saying ” you broke my make up”. It happened with me the other day, and my daughter felt a bit sad afterwards. You will be surprised to know she didn’t do it again. Only by changing my technique, my daughter’s behavior changed.
4-Recognizing and managing your own emotions
It’s common sense that when we don’t understand our emotions, we don’t recognize or manage our kid’s emotions.
When I’m having a difficult day with my daughter, that starts with me, not with her. When I’m stressed and unable to manage and regulate my own emotions. My daughter senses and picks up on and mirrors that.
Indeed, devoting some “me time” helps. Finding something I’m passionate about and finding some time to do it has helped me recognize when I’m stressed and tense. It’s crucial for parents to have their own identity outside the parent role.
5-Active listening techniques to scream without anybody hearing your anger
We don’t always have to fix problems for our kids.
Have you ever told your husband I didn’t ask you to fix the problem, I just wanted you to listen? Poor husband was trying to make it better for you. He does not know what he did wrong. We do the same with our kids. We jump into fixing things or fixing them. We don’t really listen to their problems.
Human nature is so simple, we need to be heard. We are superior than other animals because of our ability to think, learn, communicate and control our environment.
Hence, the way to bond with our chidlren is by talking and listening. Therefore, we need to let them express their emotions without dismissing how they feel, without judgemnts and without logically correcting their emotions.
We need to accept that their nonsense is sometimes the perfect sense.
6-Expressing frustration in a constructive and respectful manner
My daughter’s nanny noticed some aggressive behavior from my daughter in the playground the other week. Honestly, that broke my heart and shook my world. I felt I’m the worst mother in the world. I could not believe that my stress negativley influenced my daughter.
Unfortuantely, what I thought was assertive, turned out to be aggressive. My daughter was mirroring me. That was a wake up call for me. I had to pause and work on myself.
I have explained to my daughter that it is not her fault that I was snappy. Moreover, I have told her that I love her no matter what and my love to her is unconditional. I apologized for my behavior and became very patient. Indeed, I have noticed the difference in her when I became calmer. She falls asleep faster and the separation anxiety became less every time she goes to play.
7-Teaching problem-solving skills to your child
By encouraging open and honest conversation with our children, we can solve many problems that arise during their toddler years and strengthen our parent-child bond. Additionally, this practice can help prevent tantrums and provide a positive and meaningful bonding experience for both parent and child.
Communicating with our chidlren without screaming enhance their cognetive skills and increase their ability to get along with others.
How to scream without anybody hearing?
Nurturing a healthy parent-child relationship through effective communication is a cornerstone for a healthy parenting and childhood experience.
How to scream without anybody hearing is a way of communication. By implementing these techniques, you can create a safe and supportive environment for your children to express their frustrations and emotions.
Remember, communication is a two-way street. It’s essential to model healthy communication skills for your children. By conveying your frustrations positively, you can teach your children how to handle difficult emotions and conflicts effectively.
Sadly, many parents condition better parenting examples with more time and less pressure. We limit our children’s potentials when we conditon our parenting techniques to external factors.
Kids get just one chance in childhood, and we must provide the best experience for them. By active listening and showing compassion and empathy for their problems. We become not only better parents, but we also lay out a respectful environment for their future with their friends and partners, where there are other ways to express frustration in a respectful and effective way.