When screaming is unavoidable, you have to scream but without scaring or scarring your kids. But HOW?
If you have never passed through a moment of anger and you did not want to scream, yell, or shout at your kids to vent out some pressure, stress, or frustration. Then you are my absolute HERO!!!
Motherhood is a beautiful and rewarding journey. Full of amazing moments, but the challenging ones are more. Let’s be honest, it can also be incredibly FRUSTRATING and overwhelming at times. When stress and frustration build up, finding a healthy outlet to let off steam and scream out loud without scaring or scarring your kids becomes extremely crucial.
Even though I’m a strong advocate for positive parenting and parenting without yelling. I’d like to be real with you and say No one passed through parenting without yelling. Hand on heart, we all yelled and/or screamed at our kids at some point in our life. No matter your background, your age, or your circumstances. However, If you are a super chilled person, who has all the help in the world, without any responsibilities. If your kids listen and obey without resistance then you are incredibly lucky. But the majority of us don’t have that luxury. We do struggle, we get frustrated. We get angry, and we need to scream to keep our sanity.
However, screaming at our kids creates angry children, insecure and unhappy teenagers, and sometimes aggressive or depressed adults.
What do we do in times of frustration? We express our frustration and sometimes we scream!
As a burnt-out mom who is on the verge of a breakdown, and wants to do anything to make things better. Sometimes, things get worse instead. And sometimes you can’t control yourself anymore. You have a momentary setback. You can’t keep the chilled tone. You just need to scream.
We scream Not because we hate our roles or our children. We scream because we love them and we are under lots of pressure to do everything at once. From conquering our to-do lists to preparing lunch boxes. To rush to go to work for those who have other jobs. And the list goes on.
While screaming might seem like a tempting option, it’s important to find ways to vent that won’t leave lasting negative effects on our children.
In this blog post, we’ll explore valuable tips and hacks for struggling moms to scream without scaring or scarring their kids. And hey, we’ll throw in some humor along the way!
Discover later in this blog what Lilly’s pediatrician told me about her own experience.
WHAT to do when SCREAMING feels like the ONLY solution left?
No TWO answers to it.
We got to scream!
But how about Screaming without scaring or scarring your kids?
- Create a “Scream Pillow”: Sometimes, you just need to let it all out. Designate a special pillow as your “scream pillow.” When you’re alone and feeling overwhelmed, bury your face in the pillow and scream as loudly as you need. It’s a fun and safe way to release pent-up frustration without alarming your little ones. Tried & works!
- Release with Laughter: Laughter is the best medicine, even when you’re stressed. Turn to humorous outlets to lighten the mood. Watch a comedy movie or TV show, read funny books, or follow amusing social media accounts. Laughter not only reduces stress but also sets a positive atmosphere for your kids.
- Indulge in a “Mom Time-Out”: When you feel like you’re on the verge of exploding, take a “Mom time-out.” Find a quiet space in your home, away from the kids, and give yourself a few minutes to breathe deeply, gather your thoughts, and regain composure. Use this time to recharge and positively refocus your energy. Reframe your thoughts a la Danish way of parenting.
Human connections and mom groups
- Connect with Other Moms: Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Reach out to other moms who understand the struggles. Join online communities, attend support groups, or organize playdates where you can share your experiences and find solace in the company of like-minded moms. Sometimes, a friendly conversation can provide much-needed relief.
- Engage in Physical Activity: Exercise is an excellent stress-buster. Find a physical activity that suits you, whether going for a brisk walk, practicing yoga, or dancing to your favorite tunes. Not only will it help you blow off some steam, but it will also boost your mood and overall well-being.Also, get some sleep and rest well. It might sound like it has nothing to do with the subject, but sleeping recharges you in every possible way.
- Establish “Quiet/ Calm Time”: Set aside a dedicated period during the day as “quality time” for you and your kids. During this time, encourage your children to engage in independent activities like reading, drawing, or puzzles. Use this opportunity to indulge in a relaxing activity of your choice, such as reading a book, taking a bath, or enjoying a cup of tea. This way, everyone gets a chance to unwind.
- Practice Deep Breathing: Deep breathing exercises have calming effects on both the mind and body. When you feel stress building up, take a moment to inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this process a few times, and you’ll feel the tension dissipate.
- Create a Personal Sanctuary: Designate a small corner of your home as your sanctuary. Fill it with calming elements like scented candles, soft cushions, or soothing music. Retreat to this space whenever you need a moment to yourself and allow the peaceful ambiance to rejuvenate your spirit.
- Write It Out: Writing can be an incredible outlet for releasing emotions. Keep a journal or start a blog where you can express your thoughts, fears, and frustrations. Pouring your heart out on paper can provide a sense of relief and clarity, all while leaving a positive impact on your children as they witness you embracing healthy coping mechanisms.
WHAT DO I DO WHEN I NEED TO SCREAM AT MY DAUGHTER WHEN SHE GETS TOO MUCH?
Sometimes when I’m facing an unhappy day with my Lilly. One of those days where she doesn’t wanna let go, be put down, play independently, take a nap, or even watch her favorite show. I some times run to my room and bury my face in my pillow an scream until I can’t any more. Other times, I go to the kitchen and turn on the blender to make a smoothy. TRUST ME, screaming or making any noise along the blender noise sucks all my negative and toxic energy out.
But sometimes I don’t always have the time to run to the kitchen or to my pillow to scream.
I screamed at my baby. Did I scare or scar her?
Like yesterday, when my Lilly refused to lay down to change her butt-butt to go to her doctor’s appointment. While I’m doing my absolute best to clean her bottom and remove the poopy diaper. Lilly decided to scream and dip both of her heels in the poop and roll over to stand up. The scene looked like a wrestling Tai chi match. And Lilly was winning. Now she is screaming and – I’m yelling at her to sit down and not to move. Oh, I can’t pin her down, I can’t remove the poppy diaper, and she is about to fall, she is pulling my hair to stand up. I could not control myself any longer. It’s happening!! Now, we are both screaming like maniacs on top of each other on her changing mat.
It was not a pretty view to watch. And I regret doing that. And it kept bugging me , did I scare, scar, damage MY CHILD in anyway?
When I went to her pediatrician appointment to follow up with her japs. The first thing the doctor asked us was “How are you today?” I burst into tears and I told her about my eventful not-so-happy morning with Lilly. I’m struggling and I feel like a shitty mom because I was screaming at my daughter earlier today.
Dr. Desilava looked at me and said “Oh dear, we all scream at our kids”. I asked her if she did scream at her kids. She said of course! We are humans, we can’t be always nicey nicey and positive. Give yourself a break and breathe. She continued saying “I hear my poor neighbor scream and yell at her kids and I feel for her. We all have been there. Look at Lilly, she forgot it, she loves you and she always will. But you need to forget and forgive yourself and move on”.
Final thoughts on how to scream without scaring or scarring your children?
Being a mom is a demanding role, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed at times. Whereas, it’s the right thing to treat our kids with respect and nice conduct to be a proper example for them. it’s crucial to find healthy ways to vent out stress and frustration when we can’t control ourselves anymore without scaring or scarring our children.
It’s very important to apologize to our kids when we lose control.
By incorporating these tips and hacks into your routine, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the challenges of motherhood while maintaining a positive and supportive environment for both yourself and your little ones.
Remember! We are not perfect, no one is, and no one will ever be. While we do our best to provide, raise, and parent, we also have lots going on in our life to worry, and stress about. Balancing our environment is key to successful parenting for every new mom in the beginning of her journey in motherhood. Avoiding burn out and finding ways to take care of yourself contribute to your level of tolerance and patience with your kids. Always remember ,you can’t recharge from a dead battery, and you can not pour from an empty cup. When you are drained and burnt out, it is easy to snap and get angry for the slightest things. And also bear in mind cool gets cool and angry makes insecure children.
What can you do when it gets TOO MUCH?
By doing our best to maintain a positive outlook on life, we also provide a healthy environment for our kids.
If you happened to be in an environment where you were made ashamed or judged as a mom, it is not the right environment for you. Look else where to find a supportive crowd.
Choose a community where you can talk and share freely without being judged or made ashamed to share.
Seek professional help if can not cope with any of these strategies.
Also, keep in mind this article is written to make you forgive yourself and let you know that you are not alone and we all scream and yell but that is not the norm. Composing yourself and keeping your calm is the norm while having one setback or two now and then is just an incident, not the lifestyle. If you found yourself full of frustration and anger don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance and support tailored to your specific needs. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, and it sets a great example for your children.
Forgive yourself and move on and apologize to your kids when you are out of order and do not dwell on the incident. You won’t SCAR your kids if you screamed once.
So go ahead, scream it out (in a pillow) without scaring ,scarring or damaging your kids. Laugh, and find solace in the journey of motherhood. You’ve got this mama! Cheer up and have a funny screaming session with your baby chasing ducks, or jumping in a muddy puddle. Let your hair fly in the air and run after your little munchkin on a crazy afternoon. Scream away your negative feelings without scaring or scarring your kids.